China Taxicab Chronicles 2: Fly With Nezha
Can my chatty driver get me to the airport on time with the help of a Chinese deity?
This is an edit of a thread originally posted to Twitter on September 6, 2023. It has been revised slightly to fit better into an essay format.
It’s 11am. I’m on my way to the airport for what I think will be a 12:40pm flight from Shanghai’s Hongqiao Airport. This is typically a 30-minute drive, so I’m not too concerned about the time, until my driver asks me to confirm which terminal I’m departing from…
…that’s when I make the unpleasant discovery that I’ve booked a car to the wrong airport. I’m actually leaving from Pudong Airport, on the other side of the city. What I thought would be a casual drive to Hongqiao is actually an impossible drive to Pudong. Shit.
But my driver doesn’t think so.
"No problem" he says. "I can get you to Pudong in 46 mins. Let's go!"
Now, for my 12:40 flight, I need to complete check-in by 11:55 (45 minutes before the flight departs). That means I need to be dropped off curbside at Pudong no later than 11:50. That's exactly 50 minutes away. This guy says he only needs [a very specific] 46 minutes.
What do I have to lose by trying? Let's go.
My driver seems excited he’s been granted a legitimate reason to drive aggressively.
"Don't worry" he jokes. "My car is an Nezha! (哪吒). Don’t you know Nezha can fly? We will fly like Nezha! " And we’re off.
(Nezha is a child deity in Chinese folk religion who flies on the wind with fire wheels attached to his ankles, and is kind of the patron saint of drivers. He is the also namesake of this car brand, although the brand stylizes it as “Neta Auto”).
My driver says we'll be fine once we get onto the elevated highway, but right now we're still in a mess of red lights downtown. Getting to the highway itself is the most time-consuming part, and essentially impossible to do faster, regardless of how aggressively you drive.
I notice he has a nervous tic that comes out when we are held up in traffic, or are unable to make it through a red light in time: he compulsively snaps his fingers.
"Don't worry, I guarantee I’ll get you to Pudong on time"
*snap snap*
"You know, the problem is the people who drive slowly in the passing lane"
*snap snap*
"In my hometown, we have a saying: You occupy the toilet, but you never shit. They're just like that!" (占茅坑不拉屎)
"Where's your hometown?" I ask.
"Anhui Province. Fengtai County, in Huainan City. Do you know Huainan beef rice noodles? My hometown is famous for that. My friend has a popular beef restaurant in our hometown. If you get a chance, you should try it."
He pulls up the listing on his phone so I can get a picture of his friend’s noodle shop. Guess I’ll have to go, if I ever make my way to Fengtai…
"You see the beef broth is so rich? That's because it's made the right way, by boiling beef bones all day. Then we mix the beef fat with chilis for flavor. That's how we eat it in Anhui. The beef noodles in Shanghai have no flavor. The broth is too clear. This is the right way."
"By the way, you see I'm only driving 70 kph right now? That's because the limit on this section of highway is 60...I’m already 10 kph over the limit. Almost every highway in Shanghai is 80, and so then we could drive 90, but this one is set at 60, until we pass the bridge up ahead. I know all of these speed limit changes."
*snap snap*
"Actually it's easy to avoid the traffic cameras. Get behind a fast taxi driver and go the same speed as him. Taxi drivers never get tickets. But the Didi ride hailing platform will also check your speed. If you go too fast, it will temporarily disable your account for some period of time. It increases each time. 4 hrs, 8 hrs, 24 hrs, I’ve had them all."
*snap snap*
"Oh we're moving. But I still can't drive too fast with this car. It doesn't grip well, because of its high center of gravity. But it has more space and headroom, so it's comfortable for we tall guys. Hey, how tall are you?"
"185 cm..."
"Ah, so you understand what I mean. I am 1 cm taller than you. This is the company's car. At least it has a free license plate, because it's an EV. My friend had to pay 80k CNY for his. My license plate was cheaper. But I only have a 沪C plate, which is the worst. You can't drive in the Inner Ring. It's the worst plate in Shanghai, maybe in China!"
*snap snap*
"But you know who's really wealthy? It's not the people who have a car license plate...it's the people who have a Shanghai motorcycle license! You have to wait in line for years, and pay so much. Anyone who can afford to drive a motorcycle in Shanghai within the Inner Ring is really rich!"
We're finally on the highway now, and he's picked up speed, weaving around cars, expertly accelerating and decelerating as marked traffic cameras locations approach then recede in the rearview. No more snapping - he’s locked in.
Unexpectedly, a taxi in the lane next to us drifts into our lane.
"Whoa! Fuck!" He swerves and honks and then pulls abreast of the taxi.
Rolling down his window, he yells out at the other driver. "Hey! Are you sleeping?! Open your window and get some fresh air!" He turns back to me. "Did you see that? His eyes were closed. He was sleeping. He needs to rest. He is not young...probably he's been driving too many hours today."
We're drawing closer to the airport, and we’re really flying along. My Didi app has an estimated arrival time, but it keeps being revised downward. Miraculously, it seems like every minute that goes by in real life results in two minutes being subtracted inside the app. He’s really doing it. I begin to relax again. I even close out of the ticket booking app on my phone, where I had been browsing rebook options, under the assumption that I would miss my flight.
"Oh, we're definitely going to make it in time. Trust me. Sometimes I do this exact drive three or four times in one day. Especially Friday or Saturday. When the city is really jammed up with traffic, it's best to do airport runs. But when it's not congested, it's best to do small fares. This is the most cost-effective way."
Yeah, of course he’s got the economics worked out perfectly…
In the end, we hit Pudong airport curbside at exactly 11:44 and I hop out to grab my bags from the trunk. My drivers calls back to me triumphantly: "See? I said 46 minutes right? Today actually only took 44 minutes! Have a safe flight!"
I head inside and complete my check-in with minutes to spare, thankful for my chatty and bold driver from Fengtai.
But surely I should also be giving thanks to Nezha (partially the car but mostly the deity).
Something like this happened to me in Shanghai. I was late for my plane to Guangdong as I had mistaken which airport I would be flying from. I got in a cab and indicated to the driver when my flight was leaving and he clearly took it as a challenge. I have never been so scared in a car before or since. As you describe he weaved in and out of other cars driving week over any speed limit and at one point came up behind another car so fast and close that I actually let out an involuntary cry of alarm much to the drivers amusement. Just like you I got to the airport with just enough time rush through to the boarding gate and caught my flight. When I stepped out of the taxi I was literally shaking but actually delighted by the whole experience. I gave my driver a healthy tip. This would have been around 2005/2006.
People always ask me what I miss about living in China and of course I say the food, but this story made me feel incredibly nostalgic - you captured the experience so well.